1 00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:45,131 (Air horn) 2 00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:52,133 You're in trouble, sunshine. 3 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,339 Don't come close to the vehicle. 4 00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:58,373 Hey, how about this then, fellas, a bin diver? 5 00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,579 What's your brown paper, sonny? 6 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,850 I was just takin' the hat stand, that's all. 7 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:04,481 You mean thievin' it, don't you? 8 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:09,826 - It's not thieving, it's in the bin, it's rubbish. - Rubbish? Are you collecting rubbish? 9 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:13,993 (Laughs) Hey, fill him up, fellas, he can have all the rubbish he wants. 10 00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:17,366 - Hey, now hold on a minute. - No! You hold on a minute, sonny. 11 00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,304 It's ours, not yours. You got that? 12 00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,571 And what's more, the tottin' rights are ours. 13 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:28,843 Del's, Ray's, Steve's and yours truly, Brian Nun's. 14 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,679 - Do I make myself clear? - I, only... 15 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,277 We don't allow bin diving on our round. 16 00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:36,949 Persistent offenders usually end up in the fracture clinic. 17 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,082 Is that right, fellas? 18 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:40,422 (All) That's right, Brian. 19 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,428 All this crap... is ours. 20 00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:46,126 From the porcelain to the parson's nose. 21 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,895 That's our bonus, sonny. 22 00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,400 I'm surprised Lovejoy didn't tell you. 23 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,870 Lovejoy never tells me anything. Oh, no! 24 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,771 Down to rummaging in bins now, is he, eh? 25 00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:57,708 (Laughs) Go on, lad, get stuck in. 26 00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:02,306 Hey, you never know, you might find a bit of Wedgwood wrapped in a nappy liner, eh? 27 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,222 D'you give a discount for dust? 28 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,827 Now, this'd do me very nicely. 29 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:26,335 Ah, the King Charles II walnut chair. Very interesting history, that chair. 30 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:30,035 Used to belong to Sir Christopher Wren, the architect of St. Paul's Cathedral. 31 00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:33,534 Legend has it, when Queen Anne came round to visit him, 32 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,741 she used to sit in that very chair. 33 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,113 Remarkable, isn't it? 34 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:40,984 I thought the bottom fell out of that particular market several years ago. 35 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,817 Hold on a minute. 36 00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:46,120 You're trade and I thought you were a punter. 37 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,183 Well... 38 00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,992 I'm tradish. 39 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,794 Betty Morgan. Betty's Bygones. 40 00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,465 All I'm trying to do is earn a crust, like you. 41 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,666 - Now... - I want two grand for it. 42 00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:00,798 Two grand?! 43 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:04,234 I'll give you 750 cash. 44 00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,476 It's the best I can do. 45 00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:11,108 You'd be better off selling fish and chips. I bought it in for a grand two years ago. 46 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,050 Tell you what. 47 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,852 I think I might be able to manage a thousand. 48 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,186 Get out of here. 49 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,758 (Sighs) 50 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,937 It's the best offer you'll get all day, Lovejoy. 51 00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:38,501 £1,000? Please, Betty, leave the field to the pros. 52 00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:41,012 I'm staying at the Plough if you change your mind. 53 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,912 Fat... chance! 54 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,986 And what sort of time d'you call this? 55 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,148 I've been trashed by a crew of bin men. 56 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,589 They reckoned I was nicking their hat stand. 57 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,286 Accused me of bin diving. 58 00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,324 Bin diving? 59 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,325 Now, there's an expression to make you hold your breath. 60 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:05,531 Known amongst the dusters, sorry, refuse collectors as scratching. 61 00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:09,473 The art of fossicking around in putrid, rotting garbage for treasure - 62 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:12,774 y'know, getting your hand right down inside the goo, 63 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,975 in case you come up with a silver spoon that got caught in the liner bin 64 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,882 along with the avocado skins. "Oh, look, Granny's old whatnot." 65 00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:22,979 God, it's ugly. Never mind that, could be worth 500 quid. 66 00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:25,354 But you gotta have the eye, you gotta have the feel 67 00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:27,382 and a stomach like a leather bucket. 68 00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,191 We junk half our history every year. We throw away millions. 69 00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:33,687 But it's there, believe me. Ask any bin diver. 70 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,733 They filled this full of stinking crap and then threatened to do me over. 71 00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:41,364 What was the name of the bin man? 72 00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,841 Uh, guy called Brian, built like a bear. 73 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:46,606 Ooh, I hope you haven't rubbed Brian up the wrong way, 74 00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:48,637 I've had some very nice pieces out of Brian. 75 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,582 I thought he wanted to make some very nice pieces out of me. 76 00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:52,982 (Laughs) 77 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,316 Eric... please. 78 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,821 Who was that woman? 79 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,483 That was Betty Morgan of Betty's Bygones. 80 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:02,158 Staying at the Plough. Can't have much cash. 81 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,188 She offered me £1,000 for my Charles II walnut chair. 82 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:09,929 I mean, I ask you, Eric - pitiful, £1,000! 83 00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,027 Oh! 84 00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:47,366 Thank you, Brian. 85 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,068 OK. 86 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,408 No, it's a very nice piece, actually. 87 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,742 Mm? 88 00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,581 Sight unseen? 89 00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,883 I'd say one and a half. 90 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,950 Come on, Jack, this thing's a foot high. 91 00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,585 Yeah, looks like the King of Sardinia, still in his can. 92 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,892 What? 93 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,889 Got a hat stand, needs stripping, 25. 94 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,926 - 25? It's a freebie! - Shh! 95 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,232 You're on, Jack. 96 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,037 One and a half. Right. 97 00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,975 Right, you, on your bike, you're off. 98 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,535 Where, Lovejoy? 99 00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:31,278 Dandy Jack's. Collecting one and a half. 100 00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:35,277 - Good morning, Lady Felsham. - Morning, Lovejoy, morning, Eric. 101 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,189 - No, goodbye, Eric, he was just leaving. - Oh, I see. Goodbye, Eric. 102 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:43,662 It's a dog's life. Fetch the stick, bury the bone, fetch the stick, bury the bone. 103 00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:44,788 (Barks) 104 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,628 Sit down, sit down. 105 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,099 Just a moment. 106 00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:54,062 Now, tea, coffee, pint of gin? 107 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,733 No, thank you, Lovejoy. 108 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,299 To what do I owe this pleasure? 109 00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:00,039 I've come to ask you a very big favor actually. 110 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:04,209 Don't tell me, you're leaving Alexander and you want to move into my spare bedroom. 111 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:08,277 Well, that's pas de problème, madame. I know I've got some clean sheets here somewhere. 112 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,118 - I'm afraid not, Lovejoy. - No? 113 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,317 But it was very nice of you to offer. 114 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:15,953 You know, I can see me giving you the same spiel when I'm 70. 115 00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,219 We'll be too old then, Janey. 116 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:19,253 - No, we won't. - No? 117 00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:20,765 No. 118 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:24,634 The things I like about you won't go away with age. 119 00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:27,429 Oh! 120 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,041 All right, what's this favor then? 121 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,339 (Laughs) 122 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:36,906 A friend of mine's husband died and I suspect she's been left a little short. 123 00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:39,941 She asked me if I knew anyone who might look over her house, 124 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:43,114 see if she'd anything worth putting into auction. 125 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,515 - When do you want me to go? - How about this evening? 126 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,221 Yeah, all right, I'll do it. 127 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:53,096 Perhaps you should go, dressed appropriate for the occasion. 128 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,363 Lovejoy, what are you doing?! 129 00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:01,931 These stockings once graced the legs of Queen Victoria. 130 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:05,878 Made for and worn by the British monarch - 131 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,813 you know the fairy tale, Cinderella And The Glass Slipper? - 132 00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:11,180 well, this is my version, the black stocking. 133 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,777 I suspect you've got the wrong fairy tale, Lovejoy, 134 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,288 I think these were worn by Widow Twanky. 135 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,622 Anyway, I want you to go alone this evening. 136 00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:24,619 It's embarrassing enough for her as it is, having the valuers in the house. 137 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,633 You can pop in afterwards for a drink if you like. 138 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,964 What's her address? 139 00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:57,655 (Barks) 140 00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:58,959 Oh! 141 00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:18,814 You meatheads! 142 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:22,582 Never back out onto a main road - I nearly went under that bloody thing! 143 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:26,816 Oh, it's the bin diver. What're you puffin' about? 144 00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,622 You almost killed me, you moron. 145 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:29,855 What a shame. 146 00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,092 What you got there - delivery for the Pasta Palace? 147 00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:37,191 Oh... Oh, look, you've been at it again, haven't you, eh? 148 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:41,366 Oh, a Hardy Perfect. Fifty quid. 149 00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:45,173 No, that stuff's mine. I'm delivering it to Dandy Jack. Gimme that back now. 150 00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,372 - Oh, what's this? Ohh! - No! 151 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,438 Oh, Staffordshire. 152 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,747 King of Sardinia. A Wellington. 153 00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:57,745 That's Lovejoy's, it's worth 150 quid, I'm taking it to Dandy Jack's - God's honor! 154 00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,815 Like hell you are. 155 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:03,021 You've been scratching again, haven't you? 156 00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:05,223 You know what we do with bin divers, don't you? 157 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,722 Please, Brian, take the reel, but the figure belongs to Lovejoy. 158 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,430 He'll sack me. Well, he'll kill me if I don't deliver it. 159 00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,370 Please, Brian, it's the truth. 160 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,170 We are talking three figures here, aren't we, fellas? 161 00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:17,732 - At least. - Easy. 162 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,472 Do we stomp on his head or what? 163 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,480 - Yeah. - No, I think he's got the message. 164 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,038 Look, this is highway robbery! 165 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,572 No, it ain't. 166 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,514 You ain't been inoculated like what we have. 167 00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:33,355 We've just saved you from catching typhoid or the plague, that's all. 168 00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:36,850 - You don't know where this stuff's been. - Yes, I do, it's been at Lovejoy's. 169 00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,694 (Laughs) Then we've saved him as well, haven't we? 170 00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,098 - Praise the Lord. - (All laugh) 171 00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,765 And shift that bike, I'm coming back there in a minute. 172 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:04,979 (Thunder) 173 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,463 Oh, come in, Mr. Lovejoy. 174 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:27,579 I said to myself, "What is the point in keeping a dinner service when I no longer entertain?" 175 00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:31,447 Archie's in Canada, Pru's in Cape Town, they don't want it. 176 00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:35,951 You see, Mr. Lovejoy, it was a wedding present, Crown Derby. 177 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,855 Well, it's a bit chipped and there's a few pieces missing. 178 00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:43,453 Well, it has been to India and back three times. And East Africa. 179 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,556 Damn servants, they break everything they touch. 180 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,731 No? 181 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,396 Not worth anything? 182 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,428 I'm afraid not. 183 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,436 Not doing very well, am I? 184 00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,240 - May I offer you another sherry? - Thank you. 185 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,179 Come on, Ben... 186 00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:04,614 Let's get the nice Mr. Lovejoy another sherry. 187 00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,410 Sit down, sit down. 188 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,686 Tell me, Mrs. Jaglom, how much money are you trying to raise? 189 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,556 £10,000. 190 00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:15,855 May I ask why? 191 00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:18,295 Well, it's quite simple, Mr. Lovejoy. 192 00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:22,790 I'm hard up, and the roof leaks like a colander. 193 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:27,268 Henry, that was my late husband, was pig-headed. 194 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:31,299 Against the advice of his broker, he ploughed his entire pension 195 00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:37,714 into an overseas investment fund... which didn't survive close scrutiny. 196 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,749 A bit like the Barlow Clowes affair. 197 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,622 Oh, yes, I remember that. 198 00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:48,726 So, now I'm reduced to selling all my goods and chattels to survive. 199 00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,622 Why don't you just buy a smaller house? 200 00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,929 We would if we could. 201 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,299 Wouldn't we, Ben? 202 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:02,239 Unfortunately, the house is owned by the building society. 203 00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:06,335 We remortgaged it. Henry blew that away too. 204 00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:10,876 When I die... it goes to them. 205 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,253 No, thank you. 206 00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:16,948 You see, Mr. Lovejoy... 207 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,884 Drastic situations call for drastic solutions, as Henry would say. 208 00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:26,287 Tell me, honestly, Mr. Lovejoy, you've got an eye for antiques - 209 00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,197 what is the value of all this? 210 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,764 If you were to auction off the entire contents of the house, 211 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,431 at a pinch, I'd say you'd raise... 212 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:37,374 - Raise? ...£10,000 and you'd have an empty house. 213 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,542 Follow me, Mr. Lovejoy. 214 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,440 Come on, Ben. 215 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:49,845 The light's on the left. 216 00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,825 Now, where is it? 217 00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:59,524 I know it's here somewhere. 218 00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,858 Oh, allow me. 219 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,833 It was to be our nest egg. 220 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:17,615 Henry wouldn't insure it. He said we couldn't afford to pay the premium. 221 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,710 And he said he didn't trust insurance companies... 222 00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:24,451 to keep their mouths shut. 223 00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,284 That's why we've never been burgled. 224 00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:35,698 Oh, yes! Mary, Countess Howe, painted in 1763 by Gainsborough. 225 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,535 My word, Mr. Lovejoy, you are an expert, aren't you? 226 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:44,473 Well, the original's in the Kenwood Gallery in London. 227 00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:49,708 What do you mean, the original's in a gallery in London? 228 00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:53,980 Well, it's a bit bigger than this. This is a Victorian copy. 229 00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:59,257 Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't know that, did you? 230 00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:04,290 - How much? - Oh, that's irrelevant, Mrs. J! 231 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,891 I mean, as Keats said "A thing of beauty is a joy forever, 232 00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:11,391 "its loveliness increases, it will never fade into nothingness." 233 00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,530 It just has. 234 00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,472 And you didn't answer my question. 235 00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:18,032 This'll be as painful for me as it is for you. 236 00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,510 Just tell me, please. 237 00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,206 About £1,500. 238 00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,275 (Sighs) 239 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:27,444 You knew, didn't you, Henry? 240 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,284 You stupid thoughtless old buffer, you knew all along! 241 00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:37,189 Well, all I've got to say to you, Henry, is... I hope it's bloody hot down there. 242 00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,633 I feel much better now. 243 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,313 Ohh! 244 00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,785 How about another sherry, Mr. Lovejoy? 245 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:20,469 (Engine dies) 246 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:33,283 Oh, Miriam, you bitch! 247 00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:37,283 You inconsiderate bitch! This is all I bloody need! 248 00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:52,901 (Thunder) 249 00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,649 Lady Felsham! 250 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:08,843 Alexander! 251 00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,187 Janey! 252 00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:14,886 Alexander! 253 00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:20,062 Lovejoy, what on earth's happened to you?! 254 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,090 I just popped by for that drink. 255 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:33,635 Well, she smashed it to pieces and then attacked the sherry bottle. 256 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,544 I was tramping about for ages. 257 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,708 - It's a jungle out there, Jane. - (Laughs) 258 00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:40,807 Where is Alexander? 259 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,287 He's not here. Gone to a conference in Harrogate. 260 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,223 Well, if you think I should leave, Janey... 261 00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:49,352 Well, a friend dropping by for a drink is no grounds for divorce. 262 00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:52,056 I mean, we are both grown-up people. 263 00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:53,587 Well, at least one of us is. 264 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,190 Let me get you a refill. 265 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,132 There we are. 266 00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:08,572 (Sighs) 267 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:52,717 (Dog barking) 268 00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:55,448 (Barking) 269 00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:58,752 (Barks) 270 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,098 Who's that? 271 00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:06,164 (Barking) 272 00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:14,801 (Whining) 273 00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,279 Who the devil's that? 274 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,118 (Barking) 275 00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:28,423 (Barking) 276 00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:32,193 (Whining) 277 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,466 Oh! 278 00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:40,164 (Barking) 279 00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,775 - Come on, Lovejoy! - Huh! 280 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:47,335 Wakey, wakey! It's a brand-new day. 281 00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,674 Room service. 282 00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,579 Jane? 283 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,316 No, we did not! 284 00:20:57,356 --> 00:20:59,085 You were out cold. 285 00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,182 Are you sure? 286 00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:02,557 I think I'd be the first to know about it, don't you? 287 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:03,891 Not necessarily. 288 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,160 I've called the A.A. They'll be by your car in half an hour. 289 00:21:08,066 --> 00:21:09,727 Five star rating next year. 290 00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:15,835 Lovejoy, there is just one other thing. 291 00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:20,869 I'd appreciate it if you'd didn't mention where you spent the night. 292 00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:25,410 You know how close-knit communities tend to embellish worthless trivia. 293 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,849 Oh, yes. 294 00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:28,352 Whoops! 295 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:49,968 Well, I can see you're on the go as usual. 296 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:55,644 Detective Sergeant Bentley and Detective Constable Hubbard. We're local. 297 00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,677 Well, make yourselves at home. 298 00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:03,210 Eric... you haven't offered them any tea or biscuits. 299 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,086 We wanted this to be amicable. 300 00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:07,482 So, who's stopping you? 301 00:22:08,226 --> 00:22:12,822 Can you account for your movements between 10:30 last night and two this morning? 302 00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:14,195 Why, I'm over 21? 303 00:22:14,232 --> 00:22:17,599 Because, there's a certain Mrs. Jaglom, whom you visited last night, 304 00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:21,094 who got turned over and whacked across the head, that's why. 305 00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:23,767 I'm very sorry to hear that. What's that got to do with me? 306 00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:28,109 Well, you're dark curly hair and a dealer - fit the description quite well actually. 307 00:22:28,146 --> 00:22:31,274 For your information, the car broke down, it was pouring with rain, 308 00:22:31,316 --> 00:22:32,874 I had to leg it through the fields. 309 00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:35,045 If you were legging it through the fields, 310 00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:37,715 I'd say your clothing would be decidedly manky by now. 311 00:22:37,756 --> 00:22:39,018 Wouldn't you agree? 312 00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:42,925 What I suggest is, Lovejoy, that you come down to the station with us for a chat. 313 00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:45,622 Are you arresting me or what? 314 00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:49,760 Right now I think it falls into the "or what" category, but you never can tell. 315 00:22:49,801 --> 00:22:54,397 Eric, get my solicitor on the phone. Tell him to come down the police station right away. 316 00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:56,066 Right, Lovejoy. 317 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:01,205 I hate hospitals, Ben. 318 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:05,109 Never been in one in my life. 319 00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:11,088 Anyway, I want to be around... if those buggers come back again. 320 00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:19,521 Oh, look, how many times do we have to go over this? 321 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,158 Everything I've told you is the truth. 322 00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:24,234 You've checked it all out. 323 00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:29,001 OK, I did spend the night away from home but I'm not prepared to tell you where. 324 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,234 It's as simple as that. 325 00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:35,178 Now, my solicitor is outside and you either book me or I walk out of here. 326 00:23:35,213 --> 00:23:37,545 We've got a score card on you, Lovejoy. 327 00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:40,608 So, what does that make me - mass murderer, war criminal? 328 00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:43,746 I'm not in the habit of whacking old ladies over the head. 329 00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:47,384 You've been bolted up before. Next time it'll cost you. 330 00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:50,956 Go on, on your bike. 331 00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:54,923 Show him off the premises and watch he doesn't nick anything. 332 00:23:57,235 --> 00:23:58,566 (Sighs) 333 00:24:00,672 --> 00:24:03,903 No, I don't know who did it but I'll find out. 334 00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:07,241 Look, Lovejoy, why don't you just let me go to the police and tell them? 335 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:12,216 Because... of the embellishment of trivia factor, Lady Felsham. 336 00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:14,684 - Oh, Lovejoy... - Jane, let me do it my way. 337 00:24:16,254 --> 00:24:17,585 (Sighs) 338 00:24:27,899 --> 00:24:29,491 (Bell) 339 00:24:29,534 --> 00:24:31,195 Lovejoy? 340 00:24:34,372 --> 00:24:38,001 - Where are you, Lovejoy? - In here. 341 00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:46,777 Staffordshire figure or your life, you fat slug. 342 00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:50,481 That was a real sleazy trick you pulled on my man, Brian. 343 00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:55,516 You should instruct your staff about lines of demarcation, Lovejoy. 344 00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:01,088 You know the rules about bin diving. 345 00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:04,099 He's taking the bread out of our mouths. 346 00:25:04,135 --> 00:25:06,899 You robbed me. I could've had you nicked. 347 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:10,704 From what I hear, you lot oughta stay well clear of the law. 348 00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:13,606 There y'are. 349 00:25:14,112 --> 00:25:15,977 Oh! 350 00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:17,845 Count yourself lucky. 351 00:25:17,883 --> 00:25:19,544 Who did it, Brian? 352 00:25:19,584 --> 00:25:21,711 I thought you did. (Chuckles) 353 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:28,091 Well, Bentley's gotta get a result, right? He's the new broom round here, see? 354 00:25:28,126 --> 00:25:30,856 He used to be C.I.D. In the Met. 355 00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:34,661 He's come up here to make the local nick toe the line. 356 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,467 Too much of the old laissez-faire according to him. 357 00:25:38,503 --> 00:25:40,368 How about this, then? 358 00:25:40,405 --> 00:25:42,339 Where did you get that from? 359 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,239 Scratching. 360 00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:46,301 Wouldn't mind the shooters that go with it. 361 00:25:46,344 --> 00:25:49,108 Neither would I. Purdeys. Shame about the paint, though. 362 00:25:49,147 --> 00:25:51,240 A bit of modern technology'll get rid of that. 363 00:25:51,283 --> 00:25:53,251 We don't stock that here. 364 00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:55,014 Then try turps. 365 00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:57,078 How much? 366 00:25:57,122 --> 00:25:58,817 - Fifty. - I'm skint, twenty. 367 00:25:58,857 --> 00:26:01,451 I wish I was a pound behind you. Make it forty. 368 00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:03,154 Twenty-five. 369 00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:07,829 See you. 370 00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:12,896 And no more diving, right? 371 00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:14,735 He can't even swim. 372 00:26:14,773 --> 00:26:16,536 (Laughs) 373 00:26:18,209 --> 00:26:20,040 How can you deal with people like that? 374 00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:24,071 Salt of the earth is Brian. This thing must be worth at least a hundred. 375 00:26:27,352 --> 00:26:29,616 Hey, take a look at this. 376 00:26:29,654 --> 00:26:31,588 That geezer's name's on it. 377 00:26:32,624 --> 00:26:34,319 Well, well, well. 378 00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:37,894 Discover something new every day, don't you? 379 00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:43,694 I've already given the police a list of what I think was stolen. 380 00:26:45,036 --> 00:26:49,735 Snag is, stupid Henry's accumulated so much junk, 381 00:26:49,774 --> 00:26:52,038 it's really hard to tell what was taken. 382 00:26:53,178 --> 00:26:56,409 But, did he have a pair of Purdey shotguns, Freda? 383 00:26:57,248 --> 00:26:59,375 He certainly had guns. 384 00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,408 Henry shot anything that moved. 385 00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,786 Caused trouble a couple of times in Kenya. 386 00:27:06,157 --> 00:27:07,818 Shot some native bearers. 387 00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:10,191 By mistake. 388 00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:14,321 I think he bought them just before we went to India. 389 00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:16,391 Any idea what happened to them? 390 00:27:16,434 --> 00:27:19,870 No. Hated the damn things. Can't remember seeing them for years. 391 00:27:21,606 --> 00:27:23,767 Probably lost them for all I know. 392 00:27:26,077 --> 00:27:28,671 They will catch those buggers, won't they, Jane? 393 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,203 You can count on it. 394 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,351 (♪ Pop on car stereo) 395 00:27:56,975 --> 00:27:58,306 Brian? 396 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,669 What d'you want, Lovejoy? I'm very busy. 397 00:28:03,114 --> 00:28:05,912 - Where'd you get all this from? - Twenty years on the dust. 398 00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:08,544 It's not for sale, Lovejoy, not one single piece. 399 00:28:08,586 --> 00:28:12,716 You don't mind if I carry on, do you, I'm at a very crucial stage with this recipe. 400 00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:20,060 - What are you making? - Poulet et morel a la Normande. 401 00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:24,933 That's chicken, toadstools and cream to the uninitiated. 402 00:28:24,969 --> 00:28:27,301 I thought you were more of a pie and chip man. 403 00:28:27,338 --> 00:28:30,068 - Never realized you were a chef. - Me?! Cordon Bleu. 404 00:28:31,309 --> 00:28:34,301 No, the wife's more of a pie and pint woman 405 00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:37,337 but I like to give her a good meal when she comes home from work. 406 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:39,043 She's a midwife, you know. 407 00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:40,813 - I know. - Oh. 408 00:28:41,853 --> 00:28:43,445 Well, what can I do you for? 409 00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:46,184 The gun case, I got a lead on it, where'd you find it? 410 00:28:46,758 --> 00:28:48,919 The tip. Spotted it when I was unloading. 411 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,054 - Was there anything else there? - I dunno, there might have been. 412 00:28:52,097 --> 00:28:54,725 Oh, bloody 'ell, I need some more cream. 413 00:28:55,333 --> 00:28:59,326 Tell you the truth, I'd had enough of wading through crap for one day. 414 00:28:59,370 --> 00:29:03,101 I was doing an Alexander Dumas salad that night, 415 00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:05,905 so I didn't want to stink too much, you know how it is. 416 00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:07,502 Oh, I know how it is. 417 00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,536 Could you show me where you found it? 418 00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:13,915 Lovejoy, I'm going critical here! The cream could curdle at any moment. 419 00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:16,318 - We don't want that to happen, do we, Brian? - No. 420 00:29:20,692 --> 00:29:24,025 Would you, uh, like a cappuccino while you're waiting? 421 00:29:24,062 --> 00:29:26,496 - I would. - Well, sit down there, I'll make you one. 422 00:29:33,071 --> 00:29:35,039 How do you work in all this stink, Brian? 423 00:29:35,073 --> 00:29:36,836 That's perfume, Lovejoy. 424 00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:42,808 This place is a bed of roses. You wanna go where they're tipping knacker's gear. 425 00:29:42,847 --> 00:29:44,439 No, thank you very much! 426 00:29:44,482 --> 00:29:45,847 It was up here anyway. 427 00:29:45,884 --> 00:29:47,875 - What, here? - Yeah. Over this. 428 00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:51,252 - Brian, I can't go in all this crap. - Go on, course you can. 429 00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:52,449 Oh! 430 00:29:54,259 --> 00:29:55,521 It's easy, innit, eh? 431 00:29:56,261 --> 00:29:58,786 - Where do I go? - Just over that way a bit. 432 00:29:58,830 --> 00:30:01,560 Look out for that cat litter, it's very tasty is that. 433 00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:03,260 Don't say I didn't warn you. 434 00:30:06,037 --> 00:30:09,029 Where does... Where does this stuff come from, Brian? 435 00:30:09,073 --> 00:30:12,372 If you open some of them bin bags and mooch around a bit, 436 00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:16,107 you might find a couple of old addressed labels and envelopes. 437 00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:18,638 - Never thought of that. - Yeah. 438 00:30:18,683 --> 00:30:21,151 Mind that. Just... There's... 439 00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:23,881 Oh, God! 440 00:30:31,729 --> 00:30:32,957 What are these for? 441 00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,988 They're... torturer's tongs. 442 00:30:35,033 --> 00:30:38,059 - Get off. - No, that's right. 443 00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:44,073 - Aargh! - What have we got here, then? 444 00:30:44,108 --> 00:30:45,973 Well, I never. 445 00:30:46,010 --> 00:30:48,001 How about that then, Malcolm? 446 00:30:50,481 --> 00:30:52,642 Signs of recent occupation, I'd say. 447 00:30:54,452 --> 00:30:58,821 Well, we're talking shooters here, Eric, and that moves it up a few notches. 448 00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:03,487 Now, you just take a deep breath, think hard and tell us where you got it from. 449 00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:06,156 I'm sure there's a very simple explanation. 450 00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:08,495 Come on, Eric, get it off your chest. 451 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,763 I'm sure you'll feel better for it. 452 00:31:10,802 --> 00:31:12,394 It came from the tip. 453 00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:15,270 What crap! You don't expect us to believe that, do you? 454 00:31:15,306 --> 00:31:18,173 It's the truth. We got it from a bin man for 25 quid. 455 00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:20,700 - What bin man? - Oh, well, I can't remember his name. 456 00:31:20,745 --> 00:31:24,010 - You're lyin'! - No, I'm not, I can't act that good. 457 00:31:25,650 --> 00:31:27,345 Ohh! 458 00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:28,875 I'm gonna count to three. 459 00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:32,316 One... 460 00:31:33,358 --> 00:31:34,791 ...two-three. - Ohh! Brian. 461 00:31:34,826 --> 00:31:38,262 Brian, I can't remember his second name. Nun. Brian Nun. Ah! 462 00:31:38,997 --> 00:31:42,660 Surprising how there's a direct route from the fingers to the brain, isn't it? 463 00:31:45,436 --> 00:31:46,767 Ohh! 464 00:31:51,109 --> 00:31:55,512 I phoned Purdeys in London. Their records go back to the last century. 465 00:31:56,414 --> 00:32:00,407 Major Jaglom did buy a pair of shotguns from them in 1938. 466 00:32:00,451 --> 00:32:02,078 I've got the number somewhere. 467 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:03,951 Then I'll just have to find them. 468 00:32:03,988 --> 00:32:06,684 I shall resort to plan B. 469 00:32:06,724 --> 00:32:08,055 Plan B? 470 00:32:08,092 --> 00:32:10,856 That rubbish came from round the Kiverton area, see? 471 00:32:10,895 --> 00:32:12,988 Don't touch, Jane, I know where they've been. 472 00:32:13,031 --> 00:32:16,398 Plan B is the free antique valuation scam. 473 00:32:16,434 --> 00:32:19,631 - Oh, you've lost me. - It's the oldest trick in the business. 474 00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:22,469 You poster up a town, set up shop in the Women's Institute, 475 00:32:22,507 --> 00:32:25,908 then offer the local punters free valuation of their antiques. 476 00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:28,811 Well, they're mostly skint, so you skim the cream off the top. 477 00:32:28,846 --> 00:32:30,108 That's dishonest. 478 00:32:30,148 --> 00:32:33,208 No, it's not. They don't have to sell them if they don't want. 479 00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:35,617 You go back later with a better offer. 480 00:32:36,220 --> 00:32:39,917 - What's plan A? - Ah, plan A... 481 00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:47,387 That is the short walk from here to there, with the woman of my dreams. 482 00:32:49,334 --> 00:32:50,892 Jane? 483 00:32:51,936 --> 00:32:52,994 Jane! 484 00:32:53,037 --> 00:32:56,063 Have you fellas got a boiler plate between your ears or what? 485 00:32:56,107 --> 00:32:57,904 I'm not puttin' me hand up for this one. 486 00:32:57,942 --> 00:33:01,139 If you wanna nick the geezers who did old Mrs. Jaglom, 487 00:33:01,179 --> 00:33:03,477 you wanna get on your bikes down to Kiverton. 488 00:33:03,514 --> 00:33:06,176 You know more than you're tellin', don't you? 489 00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:09,309 I'll tell you one thing. 490 00:33:11,055 --> 00:33:13,182 I work with a crew of three fellas... 491 00:33:14,225 --> 00:33:16,887 and their memories ain't what they're cracked up to be. 492 00:33:16,928 --> 00:33:18,225 You know what they do? 493 00:33:19,130 --> 00:33:22,930 They sometimes forget to empty bins on the rounds. 494 00:33:23,568 --> 00:33:27,868 They go for weeks, months even, without collecting from certain houses. 495 00:33:28,706 --> 00:33:30,037 I don't know why. 496 00:33:30,074 --> 00:33:32,599 It's always been a mystery to me. 497 00:33:34,645 --> 00:33:37,239 You live in Wifford Street, don't you, Sarge? 498 00:33:41,085 --> 00:33:42,177 (Church bells) 499 00:33:47,658 --> 00:33:51,651 Actually, Dorothy, I couldn't care less if we only get 30 quid for the damn clock. 500 00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:56,224 It's been cluttering up the hall for months now and I'm fed up tripping over the blasted thing. 501 00:33:57,035 --> 00:34:00,129 My great-grandfather had it at the Crimean War. 502 00:34:00,171 --> 00:34:02,435 He warmed his feet on it at Balaclava. 503 00:34:03,674 --> 00:34:05,733 Have you any idea how much it's worth? 504 00:34:06,811 --> 00:34:07,971 A thousand pounds? 505 00:34:08,012 --> 00:34:10,071 Fifteen's nearer the mark. 506 00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:13,445 Fifteen thousand pounds? 507 00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:16,747 Well, I never! 508 00:34:19,657 --> 00:34:21,181 Would you like to buy it? 509 00:34:21,225 --> 00:34:24,991 Fifteen pounds, madam, not fifteen thousand. 510 00:34:25,663 --> 00:34:29,155 You're not up to much, are you? You don't know what you're talking about. 511 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,168 Wasting my time! 512 00:34:32,703 --> 00:34:34,762 Oh, Eric, this is purgatory. 513 00:34:34,806 --> 00:34:38,207 Their idea of antique is something made last year. 514 00:34:38,242 --> 00:34:39,834 What have we got so far? 515 00:34:41,479 --> 00:34:42,969 Three toffee hammers. 516 00:34:43,014 --> 00:34:44,003 Hm! 517 00:34:44,048 --> 00:34:47,484 (Man) Hi, there! We hear you're valuing antiques. 518 00:34:47,518 --> 00:34:49,315 (Lovejoy) That's right. 519 00:34:49,353 --> 00:34:51,184 How about, uh, buying them? 520 00:34:51,222 --> 00:34:52,712 Has been known. 521 00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:54,884 Oh. 522 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:00,727 Is this yours? 523 00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,232 Of course it's ours. 524 00:35:02,266 --> 00:35:03,858 It's a rhino horn. 525 00:35:03,901 --> 00:35:05,493 How much is it worth? 526 00:35:06,170 --> 00:35:09,162 - Hard to say. - What about 50 quid? 527 00:35:10,208 --> 00:35:12,233 Fifty's a bit steep. What do you think, Eric? 528 00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:15,575 You can't give this stuff away. I'd say 15. 529 00:35:17,148 --> 00:35:19,343 Well, how about 20? 530 00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:21,411 Well? 531 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,714 All right, 20. 532 00:35:25,723 --> 00:35:28,692 Just a moment, just a moment, proof of ownership. 533 00:35:28,726 --> 00:35:29,715 But it's ours. 534 00:35:30,895 --> 00:35:33,455 Sorry, not good enough. Where did you find it? 535 00:35:35,366 --> 00:35:37,561 - Still 20, right? - Still 20. 536 00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:39,900 - We found it on a tip, actually. - What tip? 537 00:35:39,937 --> 00:35:42,167 Well, the municipal tip. 538 00:35:42,206 --> 00:35:44,640 When head of house confiscated the dirty mags, 539 00:35:44,675 --> 00:35:46,267 he said he was gonna burn them 540 00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:48,972 but we knew they'd end up in the bin, didn't we, Richard? 541 00:35:49,013 --> 00:35:50,878 Hoped we'd find them on the tip. 542 00:35:50,915 --> 00:35:54,612 Drew a blank. Plenty of cat shit, though. Came up with that instead. 543 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,511 Is that good enough for you? 544 00:35:59,423 --> 00:36:01,550 Yeah, it's good enough. 545 00:36:05,129 --> 00:36:07,290 Pleasure doing business with you... 546 00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,027 "Lurvejoy". 547 00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:36,516 (Car horn) 548 00:36:56,514 --> 00:36:59,677 What's the rush, Lovejoy? Trying to make it back before curfew? 549 00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:01,082 No rush, Sergeant, 550 00:37:01,118 --> 00:37:04,952 and between you and me, young Miriam here has never reached 70 in her life. 551 00:37:04,989 --> 00:37:07,150 Looks like somebody's been poaching. 552 00:37:07,191 --> 00:37:08,886 Been far, have we? 553 00:37:09,627 --> 00:37:10,924 Kiverton. 554 00:37:10,962 --> 00:37:12,327 Kiverton, eh? 555 00:37:13,598 --> 00:37:15,759 Says Nyasaland here, Lovejoy. 556 00:37:16,467 --> 00:37:19,959 "Major Henry Jaglom, 1950." 557 00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:23,734 Bought it from a couple of schoolboys for cash? 558 00:37:23,774 --> 00:37:27,232 Lovejoy, cabbage-looking we may be, but green we ain't. 559 00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:30,111 This is on the list and in my book, that's receiving. 560 00:37:30,147 --> 00:37:32,342 It's not good any way you look at it, is it? 561 00:37:32,383 --> 00:37:36,479 I didn't do it, I had nothing to do with it, it was pure coincidence 562 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,249 and I want to see my solicitor. 563 00:37:38,289 --> 00:37:40,382 We phoned. He's out of town. 564 00:37:40,424 --> 00:37:43,052 All you've done is trot out your alibi number. 565 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:46,621 I think your alibi lives in Playboy land if you ask me. 566 00:37:46,664 --> 00:37:48,154 Nobody's asking you. 567 00:37:48,199 --> 00:37:52,135 Then why don't you get your alleged lady friend to stand up and be counted... 568 00:37:52,169 --> 00:37:55,002 or does she make her living lying down? 569 00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:58,465 Enough with the cheap insults, Sergeant. 570 00:37:59,577 --> 00:38:00,908 (Sighs) 571 00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:05,982 This is our think tank. You think about it. 572 00:38:10,421 --> 00:38:11,752 (Heavy rock music on radio) 573 00:38:21,899 --> 00:38:23,560 (Motorcycle approaches) 574 00:38:37,748 --> 00:38:38,772 Oh, my God! 575 00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:39,874 Lovejoy in? 576 00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:42,750 No, he's not here, I'm only his partner. 577 00:38:42,787 --> 00:38:46,086 Now, there's no need for any of that. I've told you, he's not here. 578 00:38:47,658 --> 00:38:48,647 How much? 579 00:38:48,693 --> 00:38:50,661 How much for what? 580 00:38:50,695 --> 00:38:52,663 I've got a pair of 'em, Purdeys, worth thousands. 581 00:38:52,697 --> 00:38:55,291 Oh, well, that's not really our line. 582 00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:57,062 No, I'd try the gun shop. 583 00:38:57,101 --> 00:38:58,466 I'm trying Lovejoy. 584 00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:01,437 A thousand for both of them. Come on, I haven't got all day! 585 00:39:01,472 --> 00:39:05,568 Look, we don't keep that sort of money in the house. It would have to be tomorrow. 586 00:39:05,609 --> 00:39:06,974 I'll phone at four o'clock. 587 00:39:07,878 --> 00:39:09,778 Cash, no checks. 588 00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:29,589 A thousand pounds. 589 00:39:32,303 --> 00:39:34,396 A thousand pounds! 590 00:39:45,950 --> 00:39:47,747 Ah, the Plough. 591 00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,776 Betty Morgan, please. 592 00:39:50,921 --> 00:39:53,719 Hi, Betty Morgan, Betty's Bygones? 593 00:39:53,758 --> 00:39:55,248 Ah, it's Eric here. 594 00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:57,989 Lovejoy's partner, of course. 595 00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:03,291 I understand you want to buy the Charles II walnut chair. £1,000, wasn't it? 596 00:40:04,301 --> 00:40:05,461 You will? 597 00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:08,800 Well, tonight seems as good a time as any. 598 00:40:10,141 --> 00:40:13,235 Cash, no checks though, I'm afraid, if that's all right with you. 599 00:40:13,878 --> 00:40:16,210 Great. Well, see you then. 600 00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:18,612 Yes! 601 00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:30,357 Oh, he's sleeping like a baby. 602 00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:38,463 What's the matter, don't you trust me? 603 00:40:38,502 --> 00:40:40,834 With a rig like this? You must be joking. 604 00:40:50,614 --> 00:40:52,411 Wake him up. 605 00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:53,644 Wake up, Lovejoy. 606 00:40:53,684 --> 00:40:55,743 Come on, shake a leg, it's not a hotel. 607 00:40:55,786 --> 00:40:57,811 Ohh! What time is it? 608 00:40:59,890 --> 00:41:03,291 - I'm not happy with any of this, Lovejoy. - No? 609 00:41:03,327 --> 00:41:06,319 We're bailing you to reappear back here in two days' time. 610 00:41:06,363 --> 00:41:09,127 Don't think about heading off to the sun, will you? 611 00:41:09,934 --> 00:41:11,458 Ohh. 612 00:41:20,277 --> 00:41:21,266 Oh. 613 00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:23,371 I'm determined to nick you, Lovejoy. 614 00:41:23,414 --> 00:41:25,814 I admire people who are big on principles. 615 00:41:36,026 --> 00:41:38,756 Lovejoy, where you been? I've been phoning all over. 616 00:41:38,796 --> 00:41:41,993 You didn't try cell three at the nick. Where'd you get all that money? 617 00:41:42,032 --> 00:41:44,193 Betty Morgan. Sold her the chair, didn't I? 618 00:41:44,235 --> 00:41:46,135 Just making sure she hasn't ripped us off. 619 00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:47,694 How much did you get? 620 00:41:47,738 --> 00:41:50,764 - Got a thousand pounds for it. - Oh, a thousand pounds! 621 00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:52,332 Yeah, all cash money! 622 00:41:52,376 --> 00:41:55,868 You sold my Charles II walnut chair for a thousand pounds? 623 00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:57,881 - Yeah! - I'm going to kill you, Eric. 624 00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,782 Say goodbye, cos I'm the past person you'll ever see alive. 625 00:42:00,818 --> 00:42:02,649 Whatever I've done, Lovejoy, I'm sorry. 626 00:42:02,686 --> 00:42:06,884 It's too late for sorry, Eric. But when you get to the other side, tap on the table... 627 00:42:06,924 --> 00:42:08,858 I only did it to buy the bloody guns! 628 00:42:08,893 --> 00:42:10,884 Guns? What guns? 629 00:42:10,928 --> 00:42:14,022 The pair of Purdeys. He wants a thousand pounds for 'em. 630 00:42:15,466 --> 00:42:17,229 I'll make a dealer out of him yet. 631 00:42:18,736 --> 00:42:22,069 (Radio) When you look at what happens with royals, how hard they work. 632 00:42:22,106 --> 00:42:26,338 When they go along for an hour and a half or two hours to something, you imagine... 633 00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:29,175 On your bike, you skank. You're banned. 634 00:42:29,213 --> 00:42:30,510 What're you talking about? 635 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:33,540 Your man grassed me up over the gun case. 636 00:42:33,584 --> 00:42:35,484 I got dragged in by the Old Bill. 637 00:42:35,519 --> 00:42:37,987 I'm bailed to appear because of him. 638 00:42:38,022 --> 00:42:41,253 Well, if it's any consolation, so am I. What do you reckon we should do? 639 00:42:41,292 --> 00:42:44,022 Go to Rio or nail this villain once and for all? 640 00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:46,495 I'd like to nail your man to the war memorial. 641 00:42:46,530 --> 00:42:48,498 Hold onto your hammer for a while, Brian. 642 00:42:48,532 --> 00:42:51,729 The maggot who did Mrs. Jaglom has come out of the woodwork. 643 00:42:51,769 --> 00:42:53,999 He's offered me a pair of Purdeys for a grand. 644 00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:55,630 What's that gotta do with me? 645 00:42:55,673 --> 00:42:59,700 Well, I might need some muscle when I meet him, Brian, I don't know who I'm dealing with. 646 00:42:59,743 --> 00:43:02,712 Take your moron with you. It's what you pay him for, isn't it? 647 00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:05,180 Not really. Besides, he's locked in the kitchen. 648 00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:09,083 There'll... be a drink in for you, Brian. 649 00:43:13,324 --> 00:43:14,985 It better be a big 'un. 650 00:43:16,927 --> 00:43:18,588 (Brian muttering in French) 651 00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:29,929 Game's up, Lovejoy. 652 00:43:29,974 --> 00:43:31,635 No, it isn't, he'll phone. 653 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:38,077 (Phone) 654 00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:45,812 Lovejoy Antiques. 655 00:43:47,157 --> 00:43:51,355 Get off the phone, you brick-brain. No, he hasn't phoned yet. 656 00:43:52,429 --> 00:43:54,556 Just Eric being his conscientious self. 657 00:43:58,102 --> 00:43:59,763 (Phone) 658 00:44:03,874 --> 00:44:05,774 Lovejoy Antiques. 659 00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:08,778 That's right. 660 00:44:08,812 --> 00:44:12,111 So I hear, a grand for the pair. No, I've got the cash right here. 661 00:44:12,149 --> 00:44:14,743 Where'd you wanna meet? Do you wanna come up here? 662 00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:18,455 The road leading to Blackwood Lodge, the end of the lane. 663 00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:19,956 Yeah, I know it. 664 00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:22,151 Seven o'clock? 665 00:44:22,192 --> 00:44:24,126 Yeah, I'll be there. 666 00:44:24,161 --> 00:44:25,150 No checks. 667 00:44:25,195 --> 00:44:27,129 No tricks. 668 00:44:29,633 --> 00:44:30,827 That's it. 669 00:44:30,868 --> 00:44:32,267 See you there. 670 00:45:11,909 --> 00:45:14,434 - Got it? - Yes, I've got it. 671 00:45:14,478 --> 00:45:16,673 Well, where is it? 672 00:45:16,714 --> 00:45:19,774 I'll show you mine, if you show me yours. 673 00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,584 That good enough for you? 674 00:45:27,624 --> 00:45:28,716 The loot. 675 00:45:28,759 --> 00:45:30,283 Put 'em in the back seat. 676 00:45:36,500 --> 00:45:38,297 (Laughs) 677 00:46:10,300 --> 00:46:13,463 - Where the hell were you, Brian? - Sorry about that, Lovejoy. 678 00:46:13,504 --> 00:46:16,996 I suddenly remembered I needed a coconut for me rochers Congolais. 679 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,031 Who have we got here? 680 00:46:21,245 --> 00:46:23,736 Well, well, well, it's the toffs. 681 00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:26,716 What will mater and pater say about this, hm? 682 00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:32,081 (Brian) Up you come. 683 00:46:32,122 --> 00:46:35,250 - No! - Come on, there's a good boy. Up you go. 684 00:46:35,292 --> 00:46:36,782 Get in there. 685 00:46:37,861 --> 00:46:39,590 The best is still to come, boys. 686 00:46:40,531 --> 00:46:43,466 - For God's sake, Lovejoy! - Get back. 687 00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:47,960 (Both shouting) Lovejoy! Lovejoy! Lovejoy! 688 00:46:48,005 --> 00:46:51,497 Lovejoy! Lovejoy! Lovejoy! 689 00:46:51,542 --> 00:46:53,305 Lovejoy! 690 00:46:53,343 --> 00:46:57,177 Lovejoy! Lovejoy! 691 00:46:57,214 --> 00:46:58,579 All right, lads, get it up. 692 00:46:58,615 --> 00:46:59,946 Come on then, let's have a go. 693 00:46:59,983 --> 00:47:03,282 - What're you doing, Brian? - You'll like this bit, Lovejoy, it's great. 694 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,584 Are you ready? Drop it down then, go on. 695 00:47:10,961 --> 00:47:12,485 (Laughter) 696 00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:19,662 (Boys) Lovejoy! 697 00:47:21,772 --> 00:47:23,569 Lovejoy! 698 00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:28,603 - You all right, lads? - Lovejoy! Lovejoy! 699 00:47:31,548 --> 00:47:35,348 - This had better be good, Lovejoy. - Oh, it's good, all right. Come on. 700 00:47:37,187 --> 00:47:38,518 I want you to listen. 701 00:47:38,555 --> 00:47:41,023 I want you to listen very carefully. 702 00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,991 Alistair? Can you hear me, Alistair? 703 00:47:45,028 --> 00:47:46,325 Yes, yes, I can. 704 00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:51,357 Now, Alistair, was it you who broke into Mrs. Jaglom's and whacked her over the head? 705 00:47:51,401 --> 00:47:52,493 Yes, it was. 706 00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:55,596 For God's sake, stop, Lovejoy, we're suffocating in here. 707 00:47:55,639 --> 00:47:58,164 Are you sure it was you, Alistair? 708 00:47:58,208 --> 00:48:00,870 Of course it was us. It was Richard's idea. 709 00:48:00,911 --> 00:48:04,142 - He's her bloody nephew. - You lying bastard! 710 00:48:04,181 --> 00:48:06,513 You're the one who beat her over the head. 711 00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,677 All I wanted was the Purdeys. 712 00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,584 Good enough, Sergeant? Hit it, Brian. 713 00:48:10,621 --> 00:48:13,818 You're extracting a confession under duress, Lovejoy. 714 00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:15,882 Oh, well, do it your way then. 715 00:48:18,595 --> 00:48:20,654 (Alexander and Richard) What's he doing? 716 00:48:25,736 --> 00:48:28,102 Oh, look, a couple of bin divers. 717 00:48:28,138 --> 00:48:29,332 (All laugh) 718 00:48:40,817 --> 00:48:44,275 My, oh, my, a falling out among thieves. 719 00:48:55,699 --> 00:48:57,360 Selling at 1,500. 720 00:48:58,135 --> 00:49:00,103 Colman, 26. 721 00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:07,309 Lot 200, a matched pair of Purdey shotguns, made in 1938, 722 00:49:07,344 --> 00:49:10,211 together with the original brass-bound case. 723 00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:13,478 Now, ladies and gentlemen, who'll start me off at 15,000? 724 00:49:15,185 --> 00:49:16,584 15,000 I'm bid. 725 00:49:17,421 --> 00:49:19,321 15,000 I'm bid. 726 00:49:20,257 --> 00:49:21,747 Sixteen. 727 00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:23,259 Seventeen. 728 00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:24,453 Twenty. 729 00:49:24,494 --> 00:49:26,621 20,000 I'm bid. 730 00:49:26,663 --> 00:49:27,994 22,000. 731 00:49:28,031 --> 00:49:29,692 The bid's with you, sir, at 22,000. 732 00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,559 Twenty-five. 733 00:49:32,602 --> 00:49:34,160 Twenty-eight. 734 00:49:34,204 --> 00:49:38,140 29,000. The bidding's with you at 29,000, sir. 735 00:49:39,076 --> 00:49:40,600 Do I hear any more? 736 00:49:41,178 --> 00:49:42,167 Do I hear any more? 737 00:49:43,914 --> 00:49:45,245 30,000. 738 00:49:46,016 --> 00:49:47,415 At 30,000... 739 00:49:47,684 --> 00:49:49,549 Any more at 30,000? 740 00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:51,851 30,000 once... 741 00:49:54,725 --> 00:49:56,693 Pincher, 88. 742 00:49:56,727 --> 00:49:59,423 I should get whacked over the head every week, Lovejoy. 743 00:49:59,463 --> 00:50:00,828 Once is enough, Mrs. J. 744 00:50:02,199 --> 00:50:06,932 Lot 201, a Charles II walnut chair. 745 00:50:07,671 --> 00:50:10,162 Previously the property of Sir Christopher Wren, 746 00:50:10,207 --> 00:50:14,268 used by Queen Anne on her visits to him. Fine condition. 747 00:50:15,145 --> 00:50:17,739 Now, who'll start the bidding at 2,000? 748 00:50:22,052 --> 00:50:24,179 - Come on, the sherry's on me. - 2,000 I'm bid. 749 00:50:24,755 --> 00:50:26,188 2,100. 750 00:50:26,223 --> 00:50:28,248 2,300. 751 00:50:28,291 --> 00:50:29,553 2,500. 752 00:50:30,327 --> 00:50:32,056 2,700. 753 00:50:32,996 --> 00:50:35,430 Two-nine. 2,900. 754 00:50:35,465 --> 00:50:36,932 3,000. 755 00:50:37,734 --> 00:50:38,962 How much? 756 00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:42,467 Look, I know that look, Lovejoy.